Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Monster.



Everyone has them.

Monsters.
Habits or addictions that attack at your weakest time and take you over.
Drugs, sex, porn, hate, abuse, depression.
That last one is my monster.
I can't seem to escape it.
This looming cloud that's gaining on me now matter how fast I run.

No matter what I do, how happy I seem.. It's always there.

Personally, I think once we have this thing looming over us for long enough, it becomes part of us. We become a monster.

I don't know where I am right now.. I feel consumed. Like I have become the monster.

All I can do is pray, laugh, ask for it all to go away. It might not work, but it's all I have.

And the worst part is, I don't know who to talk to about it. I don't know who can help me.

The one person I thought I had to save me from it is now gone. I mean nothing to him anymore.

Anyone who's reading this, please pray for me. Pray for anyone who suffers with deppression. For anyone who feels like they have to hurt themselves to feel better or to punish themselves.

I think we could really use some prayers.


Krose

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

15 Albums



These are 15 of my all time favorite albums <3


The Wall - Pink Floyd

Everybody Else Is Doing It So Why Can't I? - The Cranberries

The Anwsers- Blue October

Powerslave- Iron Maiden

The White Album- The Beatles

Consent To Treatment - Blue October

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Fire Of Unknown Origin - Blue Oyster Cult

Genesis - Genesis

Indigo Girls- Indigo Girls

Point Of Know Return- Kansas

The Fame Monster- Lady Gaga

The Final Cut- Pink Floyd

Bella Donna - Stevie Nicks

Rumours - Fleetwood Mac



Krose.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

You're The Inspiration.



This is for someone who has been in my life for a long time, and I have just now learned to appriciate him and love him for what he deserves..<3


Thank you for waiting all this time for me.

Thank you for always being there, even when I haven't been there for you.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for accepting me, and all of me.

Thank you for picking me up when I was down.

Thank you for making me forget all the screwed up things in life.

Thank you for not leaving, even when you found out the bad things about me.

Thank you for making every day a good day.

Thank you for all of the smiles and laughs.

Thank you for being absolutely incredible.

Thank you for inspiring me to be better <3




Krose.

Monday, July 18, 2011

A Break From Reality



I just spent my weekend at a Roman Catholic college in Ohio called Steubenille. This is the college I want to spend the four years with after I graduate. They have a Catholic youth conference every year, and this has been my third year going.



Every year I have an absolutely INCREDIBLE time. It's such a spiritual experience, and being there with 3,000 other teens who believe the same thing I do is just amazing. This year I also brought my cousins for the first time, which was a blast. I didn't think they would enjoy themselves, and they ended up having more fun than anyone there :)



For me, the greatest part of the entire weekend would have to be the adoration on Saturday night. For anyone who doesn't know what adoration is, it's been we have the bread that we believe to be Jesus out there on the altar to pray to, and at one point the priest carries him around so we can all see him. They also play a lot of music during this time, so I pretty much sang the whole time. Now usually this adoration is a very emotional experience for me. I usually end up crying for about four straight hours during it. This year I didn't really have that.. At one point I asked God to let me cry, because I actually really like the cleansing feeling I get after for crying for so long. When I prayed for this, all of a sudden, I got this sense of peace, and I heard this voice in my head saying,




"Kristen, you've cried too much in the past two months. You have suffered so much, and it hurts me to see you cry."



It was SO cool. After I heard that, I became more happy than I've ever been in my entire life. I even started to laugh.. It was extremely strange, but it really showed me how cool a spiritual experience can be.




For you guys who think I'm absolutely insane, I understand. I used to think this stuff was pretty weird too :P But if you have never experienced it, don't judge me. You just have to see it for yourselves.




Krose.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Optimism.



No matter how bad things seem, they can always get worse.



Everybody goes through really hard times, whether it's breakups, death, divorce, or maybe just a bad fight with someone.. And I know at least for me, it seems like the world is ending and things couldn't possibly get any worse. But that's not true. Sometimes you just need to distract yourself.. Find a new hobby, pray, be with the people you love <3 Just don't give up.


Things can always get worse, and you know what?



They will get better :)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

True Beauty






This blog post is to all of you girls who only see flaws.



This is to all of you girls who only see imperfection.



I have news for you.



You are absolutely stunning and beautiful in every way.


Our imperfections make us who we really are, and we should embrace them. I mean, I'm not going to lie, I hate how I look sometimes.. There are times when I think I could stand to lose some weight, or have a different nose, or hair. We all have those thoughts. But it's what we do about them that counts.


Anorexia runs in my family.. and quite honestly it makes me sick.. Watching someone you love die day by day must be horrendous. I can barely imagine it. Stay strong girls, appriciate the gorgeous person you are, and don't let society tell you what is or isn't beautiful. Personally, I think most of the plus sized models you see in stores are twice as beautiful as the bony little models. My grandpa always told me that no one likes to hug a bag of bones, and that is so true :)


Accept your imperfections. No one is perfect, and it's our flaws that truly make us beautiful.

Krose





Monday, July 4, 2011

Regret



I never knew it would come to this
After all this time of pure happiness
I've taken what's precious, what's sacred and true
I've taken it all and ruined you.

You were always there, you could never leave
Until I gave you more than you could recieve
Now everyday for me is guilt and regret
And I don't think you've realized it quite yet.

If I could take back everything I've ever done
And truly show you that I am the one
It would be done in a second,a heartbeat
But all my efforts are now ending in defeat.

Time and patience is all you ask of me
But I never thought I would see
That the fault was mine, and mine alone
And my heart has all this time been made of stone.

Happiness is what you need
And I know with time you will succeed
You'll find everything you ever dreamed
Even if it isn't the ending it seemed.


If you ever read this, I know that you'll know it was meant for you.

I hate myself for doing this to you.

Krose

My Happy Songs :)


So as anyone who has read this has noticed, I've kind of been going through a rough time right now, and it's been pretty hard to deal with. So what I do when I feel this way is sing. That's pretty much the only thing that completely distracts me and puts me in a different mindset (besides praying)So here's a list of the songs that I've been singing lately..

Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Beth - KISS
Angels - Owl City
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
Hallelujah - The Canadian Tenors
Pretty - The Cranberries
Closer To Fine - Indigo Girls
Tantra - Journey
Running Up That Hill - Placebo
Brain Damage - Pink Floyd
Piece Of My Heart - Janis Joplin
Faithfully - Journey
Heart Of The Ocean - Gaelic Storm
The Tale of the Lighthouse - Nickel Creek
When You Say Nothing At All - Allison Krausse
Nobody Home - Pink Floyd
Kid Fears - Indigo Girls

<3

Krosemarie

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Work Camp 2011

So the reason I haven't posted this week at all is because...
I just got home from the most beautiful experience in my life.. It was a work camp hosted by the Catholic diocese of Arlington, and it made me see everything in an entirely new light. We got there last Saturday, met our crew of workers on Sunday, and then my crew and I worked the entire week until today on a woman's wheelchair ramp.

Our resident was SO grateful for us being there, and even though we were dirty, hungry, and constantly tired, it was worth it to hear her tear up and thank us for everything we did for her. I honestly believe she did more for me than I did for her.

When we get caught up in our own lives, we sometimes don't realize how lucky we really are.. I got away from my own selfish problems and issues and completely focused on God and other people who were less fortunate than I am. This is something I am not used to doing, I only do it about once a year, but I wish I could get everyone I know to experience it for themselves. It really does change your life, for the better.

When I got home today, I realized something. I had lost one of the most important things that I ever had. I freaked out about it at first, but then saw that the past week has really, really taught me something. God is always there for me. Now matter how upset I get, if my heart breaks, or if everything comes crashing down on me in my life. I also have my family and some INCREDIBLE friends who will always be there for me no matter what. Things are bad now, but you guys will pull me out and everything will turn out completely ok. I love you all so much, thank you for everything.


For those of you who believe in a higher power, please pray for me. I will return the favor.

Krosemarie